Dear love of my life
My left ankle started hurting in a new way, i can’t tell if the stress is gonna cause me a stroke or not i will try to find a way to unwind!
Should i die, know my damn mental illness coupled by the demands of a few greasy old loosers that cant sleep with out their Tv blasting from 2 apartments over at night! coupled by the fact that even after three showers a day some days i still smell like me, is not what loves and needs you, its me that does not my illness but that wouldnt stop a scientist from saying its just a chemical reaction because it is that too, but simpley explain that you make me feel like i am home no mateer where i actually had to sleep westher it was a car or the streets or a park! You always had my emontionaly i do remember the first time you saw the uglier side of my family life that keeps trying to drug me because its best for them not me, i’m happy yah did, not because you rescued me or displayed you can talk me off a ledge. but because unlike everyone else you never once felt the need to question my moral intent and just kept telling me “thats crazy you’re a good person” at every random reason i thought could be why i am going to jail or the hospital again! You told me i was one of the best people you ever met and how muxh i ment to you!
A few days later i wasnt homeless anymore but it was harder then ever for us to see each other!
Monsters and all not working and me not really wanting any kind of violence to happen around kids! And i’m still sorry to this day i didn’t just figure this out stupidly sooner! Sick of seeing abused women getting abused mentaly imprisoned and then not free to be them!
So if for some reason i wind up dieing or in the hospital because other people say i aint a nice guy and it stresses me out because that brings out my hey who the fuck are you side! Well sorry, but my side i like and enjoy is me loving you! You loving me back, i won’t ever remove myself as your option to a better kind of life either but if i die! I love you and thats the way i died! And every night your the last thought i have because it takes me the whole day to feel well enough to think about you with a clear head!