it’s always nice to find myself, it’s always nice to get told your super loved after a long time not hearing that. it’s even more nice to know a lot of other things. it’s nice when things click.
I think i feel somewhat normal happy today instead of super over the top happy, woke up on my own accord. I have an incredible amount energy i know what do with know.
i really needed the week and weekend, it never stopped topping it’s self don’t you just feel great when that happens it’s not often but it’s sure a decent thing to look back on during the rockier times or maybe even those days are just boring days i dunno. weather i can’t handle myself yet probably not when I’m happy i have too much happiness, but that’s what friends are good for sharing overwhelming happiness, kicking you in the pants and making sure your ok when your not, and those same friends you will know are friends you’ll know because they will always support you.
I have guilt i acknowledged it, Maybe i should have became a junkie like the rest of my child hood friends who where actually friends, a lot of people always tried being fake friends with me but those kids that grew up into junkies where some of the only friends i had growing up i never did those drugs with them, my quest for substance has always been a scientific in nature i know what those drugs are and do i know how they affect the human body in a negative way. my god after world war two you people should have learn meth aint no joke, look at how many stories their are of nazi shooting guns all night only to run out of ammo by morning because ghosts mother fucker the enemy was off having beer waiting for you to blow of some steam, or perhaps off on the hill smoking a joint wounder why on earth you would be punishing yourself like this when someone asked you to risk the most valuable thing you have on their behalf not yours not the greater good, just their belief that they are right.
so hey internet friends because if you showed up here you’re either a friend or don’t know your a friend because your dumb so who wants to learn magic and not illusion today. Your favorite grand wizard is gonna teach you the only thing you will really need to get by on this planet besides food shelter and self care.
while this is all rather advanced stuff it’s harmless if you fail and u your bodie or your soul will never be brought close to the front lines were demons will snatch snatch your soul in a instant if you come un prepared tearing it to flesh while dark masters taunt your soul. nope indeed this is just the thing that might save your asses should you fall down un able to move with a breeze blowing.
step 1. realize you are of the universe and it is of you
step 2. ask the wind who its talking to tonight
step 3. give it your message
step 4. wait until the next day if the winds blowing in the opposite direction it has an answer for you.
step 5. thank the wind it’s one of the kindest oldest forces in the universe and takes time to help those who ask it. it doesn’t have to honor your request and give you your answer back.
the winds so polite I’ve been using it to talk to people all over the globe for a while because to my knowledge the NSA hasn’t figured that one out murica can’t hack the old wizards network it can’t bully my friend the wind like i said he is a big thing old and kind and fun good luck disrespecting that and getting anything out of it.
I’d also like to say For the past 15 years western medicine has been refusing to even work with me on my own health to properly study what it is i have despite me trying to, for 15 years despite my years of trying to work with them they haven’t done a lick of anything for me, neither has many other people other than the ones who know who they are and hell I bet you guys want a friend like me but honestly i was usually to embarrassed of myself to even try being anyone’s friend and i was never actually embarrassed to be me a lot of people where just embarrassed for me until it became a part of me for a while.
so protip of the day don’t forget your self and if you do leave a spider web of cool stuff to fall into that can remind you of who you where and you will always be caught gently.
I’m also moving on while keeping the door open for that woman i love and she loves me. it’s nice talking to people that see her in on the wind network and it was nice to talk to her the other day but it’s not nice knowing, what got her there it’s not nice knowing she is struggling still with addiction, it’s not nice knowing i don’t have the funds for food supplies to walk across Canada because i can’t drive to go give her a hug, it’s not nice knowing their are people that are going to take advantage of her probably because the system she trust is the same one failing her. So i gotta move on and pray every day she makes it and if she makes it tomorrow good if she makes today better, if she makes it never ok i’m gonna deal with that possibility now, by going out and moveing past this point of waiting to for her to come home and just find someone who can in the meantime because honestly she is probably just going to repeat her mistakes if she stays where she is and no one can seem to tell her that. i can but she doesn’t see the way out. so hopefully i got some dates later this week if i can find em still feel guilty though for some reason she asks me to be happy and never let her hurt me again and this is exactly what she means me to do for now she never meant to shock my system by coming back into my life believe she meant to ask for help and let me know that one day she could be that just not today and probably not soon so best go find someone else to cuddle on the couch for now because bee season is coming i have a serious phobia of bees and it would nice this summer if in all the fear of most things i don’t have bees like insects not whack mother fuckers that can suck a dick who aint shit never will be shit even taking the name of my fears but not many people have seen the fear of death in my eyes a freaking African lion can’t stare me down and win but a bee a little bee could end my life in a instant it paralyzes me stops me in my tracks and everyone goes you need a epi pen and i say true but you know whats still fucking missing everyone from the mkath equation on how that works + 1 woman with the ability not only to love me but to be their right beside me when that happens and hold my hand shield my eyes and shoo that fucker away, i can handle all the other scary thing on this earth that this woman might be afraid off not only that i can rule that like king but i cant can’t walk in the summer outside alone during the day very much even tho i would like too.
so babe if you read this and are better or aren’t either way my heart tells me you would support this and will still do what you need to do in life. should you get better you said you wanted to be hear with me since you can’t i will do the next best thing and take care of myself for the rest of time and may i see you at the finish line with the smile you always wanted me to have part of that will be finding someone else.man like me could probably get away with two wives tho for one i actually understand this love thing.