Note: this is an essay by a bi polar person not a health care professional whose qualified through years of practice, my only qualification for these thoughts are the things i see on a daily basis, observations from my life as an artist, mental health patient, and suffer of brain damage, I’m doing better at life by most of the people who really know me these days have ever witnessed judgment not my own i often don’t feel qualified enough to remove myself from my own bullshit so i filter out the answer through family members that know me best by letting them know about my art projects, life and stress load and they think i am doing awesome and that’s kind of the best rewarding feeling. I use a lot of experience from my own life which i realize is not hard and fast science only personal stories but it’s through these stories that we can asses these numbers and work out a code to success!
ugggg. You know, I’d actually like to believe in all these giant corporations really actually would. I mean i do i really believe you guys exist you are in the same reality as me. but honestly you guys do more evil then good. and its accidental a lot of times cause no one ever stop’s to ask everyone concerned that’s a hell of a lot of work hell most people are to self absorbed to understand the term stakeholders and that’s honestly not just the people who threw money in on it, a stake holder in situation where a business is engaging the community is anyone who might be affected.
Lets look at bell media they like to have mental health week they go out on the world stage and piss and moan about how people should respect people like me and give them the kind of treatment they deserve. But despite them pouring millions into that campaign nothing has ever fucking changed at my local hospital or your local hospital that makes it any less scary, less humiliating, less barbaric to go look for help in a sea of amateurs. if i break my leg i get a bed and all the pampering i need to get back to life. if I’m having a hard time with my bi polar i often get locked up, stripped of my rights, often forcibly drugged against my will, instead of talked to like a human when I’m fully aware of whats going on around me and aware of my own troubling behavior, options are never presented to me for my treatment they are presented to a bunch of other doctors and then the experiments and wild stabs in the dark proceed because no one bothered to really listen to me.
as a suffer of mental illness i can safely say i want awareness yes, awareness is good, but i also want way better hospital visit experiences and the funding to make that happen in place i want better more respectful treatment with individualized care options, I would like to see it harder to lock people who aren’t dangerous just uncomfortable for some people to be around and last time i checked that doesn’t not equal danger.
I saw someone claim you can get training to diagnoses mental health problems in a semester in some parts of our world basically if you can read and pick up the DSM-5 you can diagnose people?
if this is true that level of training demanded of a very complex health problem is not adequate and no wounder most people don’t get proper help. I have no clue what the actual numbers are on people who fall through the cracks I’m an artist not a stats guy. But i know the number is a lot bigger than we think judging by all the people who are so severely damaged through out life that their remains little hope for them i meet people like this on a daily basis when i leave the house. to be honest with our high levels of tech wizardry why anyone at all is even left out of society when it actually could be that inclusive baffles me.
Google one of the biggest things in tech and Internets since those things where really things we enthusiastically embraced as world. I have a good idea of what they could be doing, given I spend about 40 hours a week free time studying what people are doing with tech. I’m not sure it’s up to me to work for free when the funds and the necessary tech are already their being held by corporate entities under lock and key or made cost prohibitive to anyone who isn’t all ready highly functional in this world.
Google could help people like me if they gave us jobs as advisors on tech development for our specific disabilities and the right team of people to pull of these advancements in using what we already have knowledge of, like spell checkers don’t work for me most of the time i have to find someone around me and I’ll ask everyone till i find someone with knowledge of written words to get it right, why don’t spell checkers work for me because no one ever has bothered to sit down with me and go OK lets look at why a spell checker fails you even though you understand these things called words your brain wont let you find the right combo of letters to get that word even suggested in the spell checker that’s why it fails me. it’s not that i don’t practice on a daily basis its not that i don’t work a little to hard sometime its just that the way this stuff is put into practice is sorely lacking for people who truly need it. it functions quite well for people without a written language disability. now you would think i should go to Microsoft for this but i don’t like word as a product its poorly coded and eats up to much resources for what it actual does so believe it or not i actually do a lot of spell checking by inputting it into the web which might be based on words code i dunno actually. i think it’s time for a entirely new product.
So I think i might just look up googles decision makers and see what they think of my idea’s and try and get some bank out of it to do more art projects that are fun. and in the mean time I’ll keep working at everything else I’ve been doing but I phoned my proof reader and arranged for proof reading so you know this got serious. as for now I’m off to enjoy Sunday with friend and roommate and our little crazy dog. I will never probably say i passed high school but i never wanted to be a factory worker any way i wanted to be the next Leonardo Di’vinci and you cant learn how to do that at no high school that’s like some secret schools stuff that you need dedication and curiosity to find. good luck checking my credentials on that you wont be able to one can accept work as proof as i craft a new world , and continue a life long pursuit of excellence even when haters are calling me slow, or dumb or occasionally nigger because its the internet and they don’t realize I’m white because I’m not angry like them and I have the same kind of broken English they gave to the hood and said be happy with it until they fought for their rights i just didn’t get broken English from a lack of education tho that would be exceptionally wrong and is when it was happening in the hoods around the globe and still is.Because ultimately that’s what i understand the most is the hood mentality people like me who come from the gutter after burning their white privilege card(My white ass mother still hasn’t come to grips with that but shes really cool anyway) at one point i definitely lived in the gutter you can see fine photos from those period as well as many stories of my clowning of people who are messed up people users all the way to the top on this blog in fact. and if you google people see this by some stroke of luck leave a comment and tell me who to get at to find some funding for my projects out of you people because they cool and will do good which i believe is the company motto now. which is a cool evolution because just not being evil isn’t enough you have to actively pursue engagement of your communities to better them.
77 is one of my favorite numbers what happened in ’77 saved my life in the future and I’m really thankful for every other example of something from seemingly thin air and if your wise enough to figure this one out that’s the year hip hop was a little baby in the south Bronx no one outside the south Bronx really knew about it at the time the those booming sounds weren’t heard else where until later. But out of every influence in my life i really do owe a great debt to to a culture that saved the fuck outta my life so thanks every single fucking artist ever. man one day i might have to get some turntables again and a record collection going for now I’m into randomly picking up whack cds of the ground and making beats, one of my best friends makes these things called destiny beats which are a lot like the record store roulette shows that are popular on you tube now. i think i might just took it step further by taking the best of music and memories by this reall really really really really white guy called Daniel O’Donnell dude if you see this by the way their is a big topper that says as heard on public tv ha ha you should see the track list on this joint to it’s like perfectly surreal i make a beat out of this cd. i guess if flash can step into the future i can too still digital wait i know a guy who can help me shape sound digitally so it sounds like i went analog OK never mind yeah i got this. all of it so yeah i often used to tell people i was working on solutions to shit and i was now I’m ready to get to work on implementing some good things and if they aren’t that good well they wont get done in the end because I’m only doing the best for everybody ones. some where soon some dudes gonna see my ass and spit the shit out his mouth and feel pretty damn dumb for ever trying to stop me. and they way i feel this year i’m hopeing for alot of money out of it to do more good stuff and hopefully then i wont have to feel like a lump not that i ever was but some people on this planet sure have gone out of their way to try and make a guy feel like a lump while he was sick and you are pretty troubled people i get that. you also could just be pure evil and so whack you cant even step to the king so you get some pitiful diss in and the rest of us yawn in acknowledgment and move on. i don’t care if people laugh at me for trying to take on the biggest problems in society any more I’m doing something at least and if your dragon is fear of other people who are different you need to slay that shit yourself its so basic we shouldn’t even have to tell you this but unfortunately you’re also right their are people in this world who benefit from your ignorance but i am pretty sure you can overcome that too.