It’s one of those days. I miss the woman I really hope she is doing well she is almost done I’m really proud of her. I have been mostly living fairly happy except for the start of it when I was being a dumb shit for about the first week after she told me. I know she wouldn’t want me to be a sad lump over this the whole time after all. Today though frankly its been hard to get out of bed. With close to coming home time comes some major anxiety about myself. it doesn’t help that I’ve been doing frankly shitty at cooking and eating the last few days i have a fridge full of food but i just ain’t having a good few days.
So right now I’m definitely positioned half in the world you know half in place I can’t really describe. While one could in theory argue the other place i am in is not real i would have to ask them first before they commit to that line of thinking, if they have ever considered that they themselves are not able to be in this world so they cannot themselves comprehend the alien reality it appears to be very real to me even if its not apparent to the observer because they are not me they are not privy to what my brain actually sees. It’s not a depressing place at least.
So After a good two days of some intense battle with my thoughts I’ve come to the conclusion right now i am not actually sad about the woman being away. True i could definitely just use some hugs from her and she is really the only person in this entire universe that can give me that hug right now. I however have a lot of other shit going on I frankly feel abandon by my friends right now with the exception of all my friends that are still out there homeless that i still say hi to and chat too every time i see. I’m not trying to rank my friends or anything but the housed ones have been kinda exclusionary for the last while even if they aren’t meaning to be. The ones who are though fuck you guys it will become to me who pretty soon so tuff squids to you lot.
Anomie is a new word I came across randomly the other day wasn’t looking for it and spell check is all like yo bro that’s not a word but Merriam-Webster is all calling bullshit on that and because I am to lazy to turn the word blue and link you to the definition i will suggest you look that word up. It’s a label to a feeling that confounds good scientist and give philosophers reasons to think. if you google it you will also realize it sucks to have this feeling.
Frankly i should put up a pot shot as a thank you for those who read this i feel a little better after getting shit of my chest but still feeling lazy. Tomorrow is definitely going to be better. Things get better and for once i can actually see some hope that’s not just something random that’s going to happen positively.