Life in a unending series of being dis-organized lately, the bi-polar is acting up and general frustration.
Finding yourself alone again and not really understanding what happened or if it is temporary. Even if it is temporary i really can’t afford to hold on to hope beyound she gets better. My need to be 24/7 fucked off my ass agianis back. Something that if i was to have a future with this woman would need to be gone by the time she waltzs back into my life. I have never had more fun then last time she did.
I’m not sure weather its mainia or a need to have my own life right now so I decided to go blow a bunch of money on some hobbies I’ve been meaning to get into or rather back into. Got a new model boat, decided it’s also time to start paintong again and obviously I’ve resurected my retardly funny happy sad ranty slash artsy on ocassions blog.
I think she came hear today. Read my thoughts. My drunk rants and my crazy crap. I gotta work on my stuff if she reads this I hope she knows I still love her but I obviously have to work out my issues too, I do hope she gets better and if I havent completely self desctructed comes and looks me up. I really dont want to have to go find someone new. So I’ll work on my shit if she goes and is succesful in her rehab maybe the future works out.
This life will work out somehow in the end. I’m just not sure how anymore and am feeling lonelier then I ever have.