I really must have problems, I’m sitting here on a Friday night alone ignoring my friends who have been pretty awesome threw the shit that’s going on. It would be great to know just what is the right choice it seems all have been doing is making the wrong choices the last few weeks, but that is just a feeling. In reality I have made numerous good choices for one no more cigarettes I haven’t bought a pack for almost a week and a half now. I finally got enough information in one place to submit my disability application which has been a absolute nightmare and a half to prepare(it only took the better part of 4 years a lot of help from volunteer organizations that advocate with bitter government employees who default mode is to ask if you have a grandmother and then proceeds to auction her off right in front of you if you say yes) so hell yes to that as well.
I just wish I could get my anxiety down right now it’s not at all doing good and I’m back to never sleeping. I’m on edge about the future constantly which sucks because anyone who knows anything about being on edge about the future constantly knows not much gets done to make sure those dark realities don’t come to pass. I’m still hoping in the end the woman i fell in love with this summer makes a full recovery and is able to be with me in the future i really do understand why she does need her space right now, but at the same time I’m desperately staring down the barrel of my own illness like a real man so a lot of whining and could use a little taking of.
I guess, I should write and paint this all out. Really this is a situation only a surrealist could make sense of staring back into his own body of work from the period like a mythical abyss.
ah my life it exists in a happy and sad state simultaneously at least it’s interesting I guess.