I really must have problems, I’m sitting here on a Friday night alone ignoring my friends who have been pretty awesome threw the shit that’s going on. It would be great to know just what is the right choice it seems all  have been doing is making the wrong choices the last few weeks, but that is just a feeling. In reality I have made numerous good choices for one no more cigarettes I haven’t bought a pack for almost a week and a half now. I finally got enough information in one place to submit my disability application which has been a absolute nightmare and a half to prepare(it only took the better part of 4 years a lot of help from volunteer organizations that advocate with bitter government employees who default mode is to ask if you have a grandmother and then proceeds to auction her off right in front of you if you say yes) so hell yes to that as well.

I just wish I could get my anxiety down right now it’s not at all doing good and I’m back to never sleeping. I’m on edge about the future constantly which sucks because anyone who knows anything about being on edge about the future constantly knows not much gets done to make sure those dark realities don’t come to pass. I’m still hoping in the end the woman i fell in love with this summer makes a full recovery and is able to be with me in the future i really do understand why she does need her space right now, but at the same time I’m desperately staring down the barrel of my own illness like a real man so a lot of whining and could use a little taking of.

I guess, I should write and paint this all out. Really this is a situation only a surrealist could make sense of staring back into his own body of work from the period like a mythical abyss.

ah my life it exists in a happy and sad state simultaneously at least it’s interesting I guess.


Published by: mitch fourtwenty

I write fiction, do street art, used to paint trains but that's really hard when your old, they just always seemed so dull and NY had better trains then we did with more color so i always liked throwing paint at my trains, I have one main blog which is my idea board which you are probably free to steel from just don't let me catch you with my more professional lawyers, I was depressed at one point in life because people kept pointing out i was different then them thanks, I guess i am, I don't fit in anywhere particular but I'm pretty happy because it seems like instead i fit in everywhere. I occasionally use grape vines to talk at some people, which are slow but un hack-able, I'm also my own medical researcher and a host of other nifty job titles i don't mind doing for myself it makes me happier each day! I am intelligent to the point where i'm hyper curious about things so i tend to ask alot of question about stuff if peole dont piss on me for having the super human ability of curiosity which keeps me learning despite a system that turned its back on me long ago, I still survive and write, one day i might go public but considering I'm probably wanted in my home town and don't even know it because i never got caught i don't often clue people in on who i am on earth, on the inter webs. while i have many masks that may seems scary even to some people I'm genuinely just a man making his community a better place to live for everyone he talks to that ever had a sad story who erased my metal ass face? I liked my metal face?

Categories Manic letters to my lifeTags, , , , , Leave a comment

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