Comical rates $50 bucks per self deprecating narcissist joke(their usually long and cleaver pretty much reference this blog for examples i delete nothing, unless forced at gun point by a army of female ninjas who grant me some kind of parley first and have a convincing argument) unless you’re funky sam medina(Master of the hash tag joke and dude if you see this drop me a email) then you can use any joke for free as long as you tell me how it went.
I can and will program a base synth that will level a small house, i think I’ve been trying to level my landlords house subconsciously but i will only push a speaker to its maximum limits not blow the thing. you’re looking at $20 a hour for that(thats only because i just like it) and right now you only get reason four or five lol patches for that you have to provide your own studio i aint writing the baseline for you, I’m working on getting some other programs but frankly don’t really want to have to shoplift them).
Voodoo(I’m not going to tell you what i am willing to fix for u but for $500 I will go into a self induced trance talk to things on your behalf and give you the raddest abstract of the problem you face and make it seem a little more minimal, or I’ll shed a tear for myself and give you your money back).
I don’t do portraits yet, maybe never will but i would be happy to paint your family into a surrealist scene for $5000
I will write opinion pieces and destroy your opponents for $600 If and only if i agree with why I’m doing it all you have to do is ask I’ll even let you use my real name i give no fucks about putting my name on my passions.
If you see anything I did tell me I often don’t know what i’m up to and don’t know a pictures been published without my permission(fuck you Facebook pages you guys suck balls like really your all a bunch of fucking hyper faggots and prissy cheerleaders lesbian feminist Nazis)
IF I SEE ANY PORTION OF MY ACTUAL CHARACTER IN ANYTHING YOU BEST APPROACH ME SOON CAUSE WHEN I GET MY FUCK YOU MONEY THAT’S HOW IT WILL BE HANDLED IT”S PRETTY MUCH A MATTER OF RETARDEDLY PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE WHAT I ACTUALLY DO IN REAL LIFE FUCK UP EVERYTHING EVEN MY JOINT SMOKE RUE TINE IN VICTORIA IS LIVE CAST IF YOU KNOW WHICH CAMS TO WATCH LOL AND DONE FREE FOR THE SAKE OF NORMALIZESeseses).
I will consult on any project of a cannabis nature as far as product designing from the perspective of bi-polar who is really really picky for $100 a hour. I will review your bud smoke-ability and bag appeal for $420(No REFUNDS AND YOU MAY CRY) I have no clue if half that’s legal but talking aint illegal.
I Can Custom design furniture really easy building it is a problem so if your a wood worker with a creative block give me a email $200 per day.
If you would like to donate anything to my self feel free to ask me if i need anything at the moment i have several side projects i’d like to get out of the way but need some things to do them. I literally don’t like asking for a damn thing but accept offers that don’t require me to shave my beard or do a stupid bet.)
I also do concept Art when i feel like it and can do a pretty sweet pitch page for a comic book, sci fi, evil labs and lairs plus places cults would meat.
(Yeah cut it in half) Someone say mean things about this that make sense please I’m going to smoke